Me: *sits in towel for 6 months after showering*
Reblog if you have boobs
havedamnsex: socratic-paradox: My boobs shoot laser beams. …Pew pew. this is what yahoo paid $1.1 billion dollars for
versustoday: so there’s this wing joint in my town and I just signed up for their rewards program. on the registration form, I’m allowed to make requests to improve my dining experience, so now every time I go the waiters have to compliment me each time they refill my drink.
upyear: mermaidsandmisandry: things i dont need in my life: wasps those stringy things on the banana commercials on youtube but mostly wasps
carry-on-my-wayward-butt: okay but this is quality humor right here
bmoburns: preteenager: HOW DOES POPCORN EVEN DO THAT THING HERE I SHOW YOU THE THING
thelandoffakebelieve: Technically any zoo is a petting zoo if youre not a pussy
Have you ever wanted to do something just to see if you we’re smart/cunning/intuitive enough to get away with it?
the-vashta-nerada: today my sister asked me for a glass of cold water and i sarcastically asked her “how cold” and she said “as frigid as your love life”
i hate distance and time zones and age differences and people who make me feel things
australiansanta: like 95% of my daily vocabulary is ‘what’ What
it scares me that you never know what someone is thinking or feeling towards you and everything that they say could be one massive lie
orbitingasupernova: homosexualwatercolors: do you ever cry because you’re not british tears of joy
michaxl: dilclo: michaxl: why am i not a disney princess because ur a 15 year old boy
antst00fs: I can’t believe the soda company from Hey Arnold bought Tumblr
buttsdotcom: I need to lose 30 pounds in today
deanisaclosetedgeek: deidaracchi: today in science we had this sub nd the other people went outside so it was just me and a couple friends so we flipped all the chairs upside down and formed a satanic star in the middle of the room w yard sticks and i laid in t he middle of th floor while all the other people acted like they were sacrificing me th en the sub came in and the only thing he said...